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Sample poems from the collection:

 

 

Trade your Vespa for my loud parrot


 

It's time I thought about making some serious adjustments.

 

This morning I saw you riding by on that cool blue scooter

 

and imagined it hauling my old butt halfway back to youth.

 

 

 

So I've got this stupid, yellow-headed parrot, my old lady's

 

idea of an exotic pet, and I'm not sure she'd even miss it,

 

given that her own cawing and cackling fills the house

 

 

 

and if I give you the cage, two bags of food and my gratitude

 

who's to say it wouldn't be a square deal for both of us,

 

and I'd definitely consider throwing in my wife to boot.

 

 

 

Pink plastic lawn flamingos

 

 

 

Dad is a regular bird, wears pink

 

like it was a work-shirt, has a little

 

chip in his beak, probably a fight

 

 

 The kids, Pam and Tony, lean back

 

on their sticks, flaunting gravity,

 

a little dizzy from staying out late

 

 

It's Mom, perfect posture curve,

 

thin neck like a swizzle stick, no

 

expression to speak of, stable,

 

 

makes the bullet hole in her side

 

all about questions I can't answer,

 

so come and get 'em out of here.

 

 

Those kind are just decorations

 

I don't need, and I'd sure trade

 

for a good dog or weed whacker.

 

 

 

Free: lazy boyfriend, slightly used


 

He's been sleeping since early last evening

 

when he passed out in front of the TV

 

surrounded by empty beer bottles, smelly

 

clothes covered in a fine layer of Cheetos

 

dust. It's noon and still no signs of life.

 

 

 

I came back home for lunch and realized

 

it's time to put the boy on the open market.

 

Nice enough, but mostly worthless, won't

 

have his part-time job much longer, can't

 

hang out here any more. You might find

 

 

 

some use for him, maybe just decorative.

 

In my apartment he's just bad furniture

 

and I want to give my place a new look.

 

This is U-haul, no returns will be accepted.

 

He'll be outside on the curb, probably sad.