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Sample poems from the collection:



Trade your Vespa for my loud parrot


It's time I thought about making some serious adjustments.


This morning I saw you riding by on that cool blue scooter


and imagined it hauling my old butt halfway back to youth.




So I've got this stupid, yellow-headed parrot, my old lady's


idea of an exotic pet, and I'm not sure she'd even miss it,


given that her own cawing and cackling fills the house




and if I give you the cage, two bags of food and my gratitude


who's to say it wouldn't be a square deal for both of us,


and I'd definitely consider throwing in my wife to boot.




Pink plastic lawn flamingos




Dad is a regular bird, wears pink


like it was a work-shirt, has a little


chip in his beak, probably a fight



 The kids, Pam and Tony, lean back


on their sticks, flaunting gravity,


a little dizzy from staying out late



It's Mom, perfect posture curve,


thin neck like a swizzle stick, no


expression to speak of, stable,



makes the bullet hole in her side


all about questions I can't answer,


so come and get 'em out of here.



Those kind are just decorations


I don't need, and I'd sure trade


for a good dog or weed whacker.




Free: lazy boyfriend, slightly used


He's been sleeping since early last evening


when he passed out in front of the TV


surrounded by empty beer bottles, smelly


clothes covered in a fine layer of Cheetos


dust. It's noon and still no signs of life.




I came back home for lunch and realized


it's time to put the boy on the open market.


Nice enough, but mostly worthless, won't


have his part-time job much longer, can't


hang out here any more. You might find




some use for him, maybe just decorative.


In my apartment he's just bad furniture


and I want to give my place a new look.


This is U-haul, no returns will be accepted.


He'll be outside on the curb, probably sad.