Sample poems from the collection:
Trade your Vespa for my loud parrot
It's time I thought about making some serious adjustments.
This morning I saw you riding by on that cool blue scooter
and imagined it hauling my old butt halfway back to youth.
So I've got this stupid, yellow-headed parrot, my old lady's
idea of an exotic pet, and I'm not sure she'd even miss it,
given that her own cawing and cackling fills the house
and if I give you the cage, two bags of food and my gratitude
who's to say it wouldn't be a square deal for both of us,
and I'd definitely consider throwing in my wife to boot.
Pink plastic lawn flamingos
Dad is a regular bird, wears pink
like it was a work-shirt, has a little
chip in his beak, probably a fight
The kids, Pam and Tony, lean back
on their sticks, flaunting gravity,
a little dizzy from staying out late
It's Mom, perfect posture curve,
thin neck like a swizzle stick, no
expression to speak of, stable,
makes the bullet hole in her side
all about questions I can't answer,
so come and get 'em out of here.
Those kind are just decorations
I don't need, and I'd sure trade
for a good dog or weed whacker.
Free: lazy boyfriend, slightly used
He's been sleeping since early last evening
when he passed out in front of the TV
surrounded by empty beer bottles, smelly
clothes covered in a fine layer of Cheetos
dust. It's noon and still no signs of life.
I came back home for lunch and realized
it's time to put the boy on the open market.
Nice enough, but mostly worthless, won't
have his part-time job much longer, can't
hang out here any more. You might find
some use for him, maybe just decorative.
In my apartment he's just bad furniture
and I want to give my place a new look.
This is U-haul, no returns will be accepted.
He'll be outside on the curb, probably sad.